I am full of burrito and curiosity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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