At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
