so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
