i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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