Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
