What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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