i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize