so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
