don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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