I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize