i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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