If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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