my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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