i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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