oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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