just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
