We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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