If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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