He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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