I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
