4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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