She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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