It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
