i will never coherently bang her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm like, not good at living.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
