I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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