When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!