i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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