Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
