Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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