Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
