So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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