have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
