just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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