so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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