Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
