How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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