What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
