i need an iv and a liver transplant
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
