3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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