We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
