I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No subtext here. People are naked.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
