Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
