I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
