My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
