dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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