I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
