Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
