Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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