Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
