Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My bed smells like the plague
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