i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
