im six kinds of drunk right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my poor anus
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
