Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
