youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
