As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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