we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
