the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my shit smells like andre
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
