Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
